To start:
It has been some time since my last newsletter, but this week I have a personal, reflective piece about my quarantine thoughts and a workout recommendation.
What I wouldn’t give…
Washington Square Park. September 20th 11:40 AM
In my moments of despair and anguish, I always say to myself, “What I wouldn’t give …”. For instance, “What I wouldn’t give to be back strutting down 13th Street in the sun.”
The last part changes depending on the day. Sometimes it's, “What I wouldn’t give to be back dancing at Lola’s in what felt like a dream.” Or “What I wouldn’t give to be lounging in Washington Square Park people watching.” I even miss my moments of the worst sadness I have ever felt, “What I wouldn’t give to be back walking down 5th Avenue sobbing into the arms of Piper and Callan.”
It is a popular expression: “What I wouldn’t give …”. It comes with the assumption that you would give anything to return to the moments you yearn for.
But I stop myself every time. What I wouldn’t give: my life — that is true more now than ever due to a pandemic that is taking thousands of lives every day. I wouldn’t give my home. I wouldn’t give my strong sense of self. I wouldn’t give my friends, my family, my past, my present, or my future. I especially wouldn’t give experiencing those simple moments in the first place.
What I would give: the tears I shed over assignments and quarrels that I don’t even remember. I would give the nights I spent in my room taking the needed me time instead of laughing with my friends or exploring the city. I would give the time I wasted worrying about people that didn’t think twice about me. I would give all of the moments where I doubted myself and the choices I have made.
Would I really give any of it though? Truly, I wouldn’t. It all led to me being the person I am today with these thoughts that I have now. Without wasting my time, I wouldn’t know that I wasted it — if that makes any sense at all. I wouldn’t have learned from my mistakes and I wouldn’t have the ability to keep learning today.
Every moment we experience, no matter how minute, contributes to who we are in the now. Not to say that you should go through life afraid of how one mistake will affect the course of your future. The path you take is always the right one because it's the one that you chose. It is the one you were meant to be on, good or bad, beautiful or ugly, at some point the course will change if you want it to. Again, not to say that there aren’t situations completely out of your control and unfortunate circumstances that one can not change.
When I am feeling sorry for myself, upset about the current state of things, or I am going through something, I jump to that expression, “what I wouldn’t give”. As much as I miss every moment and every simple experience that I took for granted, that expression makes me realize how incredibly lucky I am to have my memories in the first place. I think about how lucky I am to have experienced that moment, to have learned that lesson, to have loved my life, and to be so lucky now. To even have my life and to be able to continue living it. To have food on the table, to have people who love me, to have things to look forward to, and to have memories I cherish so incredibly much.
What I have learned and what I am continuing to learn is to be grateful. I think no matter where you are right now there is something in your life you can be grateful for. For me today it was as simple as waking up to a hot cup of coffee and the smile of my mother.
I don’t know if I am alone in jumping to “what I wouldn’t give,” but for me it has been, dare I say, life changing to realize that I wouldn’t give any of it. I wouldn’t even give the bad parts of my life and the unfortunate moments, they have overall made me stronger and a better person to date.
I guess I am trying to pass on the knowledge of recognizing that even in isolation and loneliness we are incredibly lucky to have what we have. If you are even reading this you are luckier than a decent population of the world to have wifi, a device, and eyes — literally think about how many people don’t have the ability to read or the access to be able to.
In other words, I am thankful for the memories, the love, and the lessons that I would never give.
Something you should try
—
daily workouts with
@isaacboots
At the start of quarantine I realized that I needed structure and to stay active. I found Isaac and his legendary workout brand “Torch’d” through Vanessa Hudgens, she does workouts with him pretty often. Basically, Isaac, who teaches all over the US and has worked with Kelly Ripa, Lisa Rina, and even Ariana Grande, has been live streaming workouts every day (even weekends) at 11:00 EST since March 16th. Lasting 45-50 minutes, the workouts are a combination of dance conditioning, body resistance, and high repetition that truly burns every fiber of your body — I can attest to this.
What I love about Isaac’s workouts is that they are so incredibly hard but extremely fun at the same time. His personality, his energy, and his love for fitness shine through even in the live stream. The workout is also designed to require no weights, only your body and a mat of some sort (a rug is even fine) so it is incredibly accessible to all.
What makes the workout even better is that Isaac is asking for nothing in return, instead he has partnered with No Kid Hungry, an organization working to end child hunger. A donation of $50, less than what two classes with Isaac would cost, is equal to 500 meals for children in need during this time.
I recommend trying, first because it is an absolutely amazing workout and second because all the donations are going to a great cause. Isaac’s original goal was 5,000 dollars, but No Kid Hungry X Torch’d has raised $81,941 to date.
Thank you for reading, thinking, and being with me. I value your time and support as always.
Much love,
isabelle